You think you’ve seen her naked because she took her clothes off? Tell me about her dreams. Tell me what breaks her heart. What is she passionate about, and what makes her cry? Tell me about her childhood. Better yet, tell me one story about her that you’re not in.
You’ve seen her skin, and you’ve touched her body. But you still know as much about her as a book you once found, but never got around to opening.
Take a shower, wash off the day. Drink a glass of water. Make the room dark. Lie down and close your eyes.
Notice the silence. Notice your heart. Still beating. Still fighting. You made it, after all. You made it, another day. And you can make it one more.
You’re doing just fine.
When I met you I had no idea that you’d end up meaning this much to me. That seeing your smile would somehow become my favourite thing. That hearing your voice would make me smile like an idiot, that you would be the person who would show me what love truly is. That loving someone is happiness and compromise and effort and laughing. You showed me what love really feels like, what being wanted feels like. Who would have thought that I’d need you this much.
No, I do not want to be loved unconditionally. I want to be shown when I am treating you less than you deserve. I want you to leave if I ever start making you promises I do not see through. Love me for my flaws, yes, but don’t you dare ever allow them to hurt you.
It is terrifying to think that one day you will trust somebody enough to let them see you naked. You will undress and remind them that you’ve stretch marks and birth marks and scars from having chicken pox when you were little and scars from all of the other things now. You will blush thousands of shades of red, painting yourself as a rose losing its petals. And that person - that person will take it all in. And I wonder if they will reassure you. But mostly, I wonder if they will even see anything worth reassuring you about. I hope they see each freckle on your back as if it’s a star and you are the whole universe to them.
I want sleepy mornings with you,
Late, lazy days where we stay all day in bed
My hands in yours, laughter shared between languid kisses
Lost in nothing but each other
Skin against skin, stolen moments just for us
I want it with you.
I want carefully planned afternoons,
Long drives to nowhere, radio blaring
Adventures to the ends of the Earth
Picnics under the high sun,
Laughter dancing on the breeze,
Smiles shared and kept in my memories
I want that with you.
I want long nights with you.
Where sleep is optional
Shared covers and shared skin
Quick kisses, tongue play, words whispered into the night
Praises of love shared to the canopies above
I want that with you.
I want a future
The good
The bad
The small
The big
The insignificant
The major
The new life changes and challenges
I want it with you.
I want you.
Unconditional love really exists in each of us. It is part of our deep inner being. It is not so much an active emotion as a state of being. It’s not ‘I love you’ for this or that reason, not ‘I love you if you love me.’ It’s love for no reason, love without an object.
Real love? It’s when you go through the hard trials of trust and sacrifice, but you still wake up every morning falling in love all over again.
If you’re ever lucky enough to find a girl who is a hopeless romantic with a dirty mind, you should hold onto that. Because she’ll be yours at two in the morning and at two in the afternoon the following day. She’ll kiss you where it hurts and until it hurts. And that’s important. Someone who not only knows how to turn you on but also knows how to treat you right is someone worth a little something… and a little more than usual.
